Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
