Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
