yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize