margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pants are for mortals
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