i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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