she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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