My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Couch. On fire.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
