I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
