How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
