Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
