dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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