Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
