She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize