We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
