; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
