I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
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