also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
