yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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