You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
