I puked a lego.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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