Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
is it fun? or sober?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
