You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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