I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
