genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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