tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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