is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
