Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
