i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
