We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
