I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
