I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
