So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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