Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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