At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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