We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
