i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
