your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
