yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
