Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize