in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize