Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
