how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize