i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
