I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
