addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
