I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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