your parents love me but you hate me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
