When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
