Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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