Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My dick has a subreddit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
