Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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