This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
