I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
