i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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