my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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