please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
