I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
