actually, I'm a sock model
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
