You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
FUCK WHALES
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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