I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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