do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
