we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
