just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
